Somewhere in the jungle.
Characters:
1. George the Elephant; doesn't have sufficient brain muscle to do a lot of 'heavy lifting' but is the leader of this group by virtue of his father's legacy, often makes stupid decisions that he covers up by bullying the others.
2. John the donkey; articulate but not charismatic enough to sway the flock into his realm of thought, often talks over their heads.
3. Sam the eagle; the oldest of the bunch and very loyal to whoever is the leader of the group at the time, slightly deaf but talks a lot about the glory days and rues the fact that he can no longer fly due to obesity and lack of exercise.
4. Osama Izz Mosquito; get the picture? Somewhere in the jungle.

"AWWW, Ge-oorge! You told us that we would be safe this year, but just look at the diabolical state of our number 1 reservoir. We need a leader who is going to fulfill the sanctity of his promises and guarantee our amenable rights of freedom and clean drinking water."

"I, uh, my friend here is, uh, there is undeniable evidence that we are at war here my fellow animals."

"Ohhh, did you hear that, did ya? We are at war, we are at war! Who would attack us? Please protect us George."

"Fear not my fellow comrades, uh, crusaders. Free animals will prevail over this evil enemy and today I bring you great news of a great victory over the uh, insurgents who have poisoned our water. BRRRRAAAARRRR, I will now hand you over to my great friend, uh counter-insurgency colleague- Osama Izz Mosquito."

"ZZZZT, Zankyou Mizzter Prezz-a-dent."

"Haw... hey, haawwld on a minute! Aren't you the same Osama is Mosquito who is undeniably responsible for our predicament?"

"Whadid he say? Oh... YEH, lynch him, lynch him Sheriff George. Let's feed him to the crows, whataya say crows?"

"Now, uh, just let's listen to the voice of reason here for a minute. Our special panther patrol force picked up, uh, met with Mr Mosquito at a secret location near here this morning and we have great reason to believe that he can lead us to an even bigger and purer water supply at number 2 reservoir."

"Woow, did he say bigger fuhrer? Who could possibly be bigger then Sheriff George?

"Haw, number 2 reservoir is the incumbent property of the sovereign state of Chavezuela, are you suggesting that we prompt a pre-emptive attack on a sovereign reservoir?"

"IZZ not zovrin, izz unrecognizzed state of neo-socializztic whorezz."

"Damned pinkos, what are they doing with all the water when we're sitting here getting thirsty? Just look at what them commies have done to the world, made it unsafe- that's what they've done, and the proof is right here on our land in our water hole. Ain't that right Sheriff?"

"Noone threatens our freedom on my watch."

"Haw, they did George, they did and you were supposed to be elliciting the necessary measures to counteract this.."

"Everyone here knows where donkeys come from don't they? My friend, you are no more than an accident of procreation that has brought shame on every animal represented here today. Genesis 4, verse _ ...."

Tane mahuta- te kaha o ana pokohiwi 

somewhere, NZ 

Half man, half woman, 1/2 a bottle of soju and look out!

In Korea, there is an interesting phenomenom perpetrating everyday life at all levels of society. The ajumma, 'ah jew mar', is a she- who must be obeyed. Cross her at your own peril. Stand aside, or behind, and watch the mastery at work. There are no loose ifs, buts, maybes or perhapses in her mind. Your neighbourhood is her kitchen, and you are standing too close to the oven my friend.

Without revealing too much of a personal ignorance of Korean history, my twin-set theory is that the ajumma has evolved over centuries of foreign usurpation of everything local, and as a backlash toward the recent societal manufacturing of pretty, little barbie dolls (or 'eye candy' to the foreign blokes who enjoy chewing what they see).

Or, from personal gleaning, a combination of the two.
Here's Monica, not her real name, an adult student who is pretty, petite, intelligent and sophisticated. Married to a successful professional and openly ajumma!
"You mean a middle aged Korean woman?"
"No, I mean forcefully independent enough to protect the future of my family." (Not her real words either, word order has been corrected and adjective converted from adverb- Ed.) "Because my husband is addicted to his work."
" ".

If I could post photographs here, you might walk through a mall of outdoor ajumma in various guises, hilariously bedecked in a blend of what's hot and what's not, smiling down at you from below ...
Well, look at Mr Moneybags, his tongue bigger than his heart.
I bet he has never done an honest day's work in his life.
And what about that face,
eyes made for watching television
and cheekbones, what cheekbones?
Skin so white
he must have washed it off and replaced it with that fur they call hair, look it's everywhere haha.
"Hey, what have you been teaching my grandson today?"

Poetry +

A bright new day and the air is clear.
Time to quickstart the day with coffee and a few grains of sustenance, a quick log and a few k's on the tredley before teaching begins at 3.

Most of my waking hours are spent in the company of music and dub is the flavour of the month in May. There is something peacefully creative about dub, inspired as it is from reggae- without the protestation and laden with fatter bass lines that progressively interwine with uplifting harmonies and offbeat rhythm. Salmonella Dub are the masters of an art that they have boldly taken to the world from little old NZ during the last decade or so.

There's not a lot to say about contemporary Korean music, except that 'pop will eat itself' like it does everywhere else in the world of teeny culture.
Traditional music is firmly established here, however. Arirang is an interesting story wrapped in a tune. I have heard many different versions resonating from the throats of happy hikers in the mountains here. Singing is actually a national pastime, it's easier to find a karoke style singing room than a quiet cafe.
Elementary and middle school children are carted between after-school academies in yellow 'worker-bee' buses, where foreign teachers try to make the study drone interesting enough for them to stay awake. Some of my students attend up to 5 different academies during a typical week. Music is high on the attendance roster and I'm constantly surprised by the confessions of class bullies who somehow balance violin studies with martial arts training, not to mention English.
Many are encouraged to learn at least one traditional Korean musical instrument at school, mostly in the drum or flute ranges. I'm personally fascinated by the huge, ornate, hanging drums that can be found at every regular or large-sized temple around the countryside. (awaiting 'site retooling' before I can post pics on this blog)

One day, I would like to record some of these local sounds and put them in some different clothes, nowhere near as well as the guys from 1 Giant Leap. There are 4000 years of foreign occupation, domination and manipulation lurking behind a predominantly homogeneous Korean race and culture of today. Behind it all stands the sanctity of Buddhism, temples embellished with 'portraits' of peaceful tigers smoking pipes and generally just hanging out with wise, old, peaceful dudes enjoying the mountain vista.
Somewhere in the 1 giant leap archives, you may find Kurt Vonnegut saying "Music, to me, is proof of the existance of God..."

..."Passing by the cemetary of life, littered bodies of hopes and dreams that lie lifeless and unfilled. I see an old man fingered his perishing flesh, he tells himself he was a good man and did good things, amused and confused by life's little ironies, he swallows his bottle of distilled damnation ... oh what a perfect day to think about my perfect world..." is as much of Matt Johnson's argument to the contrary that I can recall.

Lately, like John Kerry from the USA, I've been listening to more rap & hip-hop with an open-ear. If you can handle the rhythm, there are some refined moments of everyday verse to be found amidst the flagellation and ego-tripping. Lyrics Born is as good an example of poetry and performance as John Cooper Clarke in the heyday of punk poetry. Be sure to check out Beasley Street if you don't already know it- it's a f*#KING classic,
HH

Mother Nature's little vacuum cleaners

My twice weekly, 20 minute stroll over to the Korean government buildings was not up to its usual level of pleasure this morning.
"So", you may well ask, "what is so pleasurable about walking to work in the world's third (after Bangladesh and Taiwan) most densely populated country? Especially when, as an experienced hedonist, you should be sleeping in and avoiding work altogether!"

Well subconscious 'you', I shall attend to your enquiries in the course of this monologue, so, please, just relax.

It's at around this time of the year that the dreaded yellow dust from the north should have abated, leaving Koreans & foreign workers like my good self to enjoy the wonderous colours of Spring. Without the aid of a dustmask!

Gwacheon is a very pleasant part of the southern peninsula. Mount Gwanaksan reaches up and away 600 metres skyward behind the impressive government complex. I often fluff around looking for old trails in its deep rutted valleys, only to uncover 700 year old religious monuments and 6 month old hiker's lunch trash quietly coinciding in unspectacular peace.
On the other side of town is Mount Chongye, home to some Korean airforce trainees and some reasonable single trail mountain biking. Central Seoul is just on 40 minutes subway ride from my apartment door.

Back to the point, disappointment in fact, that this morning's green, green mountain and fruity blossom display wasn't exactly what I had ordered.
It got me thinking about images I've seen from the 1950's during the fighting against the nasty northerners. The entire peninsula looked levelled and bare. Not too much evidence of the green greenery, but plenty of haze. The story of South Korean reforestation since then parallels the country's emergence as a high-tech middleweight fighting above its weight-class in the industralized zone.

While I work here, as a means of a) seeing more of the broader asian countryside and culture, and b) saving enough dosh to study for 18 months in eastern europe in 2005, I only hope that ecological sanity can prevail in the long run.
Check out what I hope to dream about tonight, James's world seems a long way from mine right now.
sway on
in the breezes that we change,
keep on
cleaning our mess,
sway on

Kim Fun Deal,
President & CFO,
Northern Adventures.

Dear Mr Kim, Kim Mr, Herr President,
(sorry, but I'm not too clear on how I should address your most-xcellentness)

My name is Hedley and I live in Gwacheon, South Korea.
I have recently seen one of your online travel brochures.
As a New Zealander, presently teaching small minds the art of English communication across the border, I would dearly like to experience the opportunity to travel to, and indulge in the superior intellectual and moral wisdoms of, your peninsula paradise.
My friend 'Slick Willie' also recommends your women as being very beautiful and cuban cigars cheap! Is this really true?

My dad wants me to apply for a job back home.
but I honestly feel that there is too much western ideology and individual freedom at work there and not enough good old leader worship and personal sacrifice for the common good. There hasn't been a decent workers' union forum since the 1950's either.

Anyway, like I said, I'm a hard-working English teacher (specializing in the difficulties associated with subject discipline in sentence order). I also have some other skills that may be of use, if required:
- 6 years building experience, mostly for the benefit of capatilistic entrepreneurs who did not fully appreciate the flaws associated with multiple car garaged dwellings (what good are their fine assets if they are not put on show for fellow citizens to appreciate),
- 3.5 years marriage to an obsessive, compulsive, alcoholic (experience that would surely provide me with good insight into dealing with american and russian politicians at your behest),
- 3 years sports marketing and management (are skiing & golf very popular at present in you country? I haven't been able to find anything on the brochure),
- 2 years marketing with a Bloody Pretentious oil company, that I won't mention the name of, which may be of interest to your burgeoning fuel industry,
- a good, solid mountain bike and strong legs, walking will suffice if biking is too extravagent (will I have any difficulties crossing the border if I have the correct visa issuance? Perhaps you would be kind enough to assist me with any proceedural requirements.).

In closing, I sincerely look forward to your timely response and look forward to keeping you posted on the daily inadequacies of Imperialistic truth bending from these parts.
Yours in servitude,
Hedley Hedspace.

ps Is it ok to sign off as HH in future?